Jeff Maurer

hi my name is jo-lynne and i was the one climbing with jeff when he died. i am sorry i did not write earlier. things have been hard, and the last thing i wanted to do was sit in front of a computer. i also wish i had talked at the memorial, but i didn't get up the nerve until the end when pete ended it. so here i am now.
i wrote a short bit for supertopo yesterday and then i have a bit more for you all.
here it is...
it has been almost two months since jeff's death and i still am processing it.
i should have told the story weeks ago, but where would i begin?
there are so many details that are important to me...it feels like the story could go on forever.
i don't really want to sit in front of this computer on a beautiful day, so i will make it short.
it was super windy that day, and we talked of not climbing, but the wind was out of the west, and once we dropped below the plateau we were protected, and decided to go on.
there was a party just starting at the base of the climb as we came down the decent. at the base of the third pillar to the right of the regular start, jeff eyed some cracks that looked pretty. we debated climbing them and looked at our topos and hastily thought it was the crack system for linticular limbo. we debated climbing this route...only one star, only slightly harder. we thought that there would be two more parties coming down to climb, and didn't really want to be in the middle of a bunch of people.
jeff was chomping at the bit to climb, and i grabbed a flat rock at the base and flipped it to just make a quick and clear decision.
jeff started climbing and about 40 feet up, maybe more, the crack split. one direction was a steep crack to the left that jeff felt must be hard 5.10, the other direction was a lower angle slab with a thinner seam.
we both took out our topos at this point and realized we had misread them in our haste and we were not on linticular limbo. at this point i really wanted jeff to come down, the second for the other party was leaving the base and i really don't like climbing into the unknown, but i didn't say anything. jeff felt like the lower angle slab climbing wasn't bad and headed out in that direction. he told me to inform him at half rope, and he would make a decision then.
soon after this i saw rocks coming down. at the time i thought that they were rocks that jeff knocked off. i think i stepped to the side out of the rockfall zone, and could no longer see jeff. soon after jeff said something. my memory has created it to be "woah", and i felt the rope go slack. i felt two pieces pop, and watched the last 7 feet of the fall to the ground as a blur. i expected jeff to pop up and say "holy shit". he was unconscious, i yelled for help, and i really can't write anymore about that part at this time.
as the weeks pass i am still unlocking pieces of the puzzle. i do not know why they are important to me, nothing can reverse jeff's death, and that is all i want.
i guess the thing i realized was that none of the entries mentioned rockfall. it could have been from the top of the route, or something that jeff knocked loose while he was climbing, but jeff was having no problems with the climbing, and did not expect to fall.
the two pieces that pulled were a trango 1" piece (similar to a .5 bd) and a metoulious purple 0. he had three other pieces in the crack, a metoulious yellow 2, bd .75, bd .4.
from looking at the rope i am guessing jeff was ~70 feet up. i keep on trying to look at what distances are, and i realize that in the mountains space is hard to judge. i am guessing this distance based on where there was blood on my end of the rope, and loosely measuring that. i don't really remember getting over to him and if i had to let out rope to do that.
as all hallows eve approaches thoughts of the dead are closer.
if anyone has any questions or thoughts feel free to contact me. i've got to go.
jo-lynne
the preceding is what i posted on supertopos.
for all of you who knew and loved jeff, i feel i need to give a few more details.
jeff was wearing a classic dark blue wool shirt.
the place were we were was incredibly beautiful. a striking granite prow above. an amazing view of mono lake.
jeff and i have an equal stubbornness about cell phones and neither of us had one. the other party there, joe and cathy from alaska, said that they usually brought their phone on climbs, but did not bring it that day. regardless the party at the top had a cell phone, but could not get reception. i was grateful that our stubbornness was not what kept us from getting help sooner. i was also grateful i was not trying to mess with technology and having to break the news to people sitting on a cell phone in the mountains.
the last thing jeff ate was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the trail heading up to the plateau.
as we descended the ridge down to the base of the climb jeff dropped his beanie.
he told me "i casually put my beanie in my pocket as we were coming down here, do you mind if i go look for it?" or something like that...he definitely said casually...
i stood at the base of the route watching as he energetically hopped through the talus, and eventually held the gray beanie up triumphantly.
jeff had intended to climb this route five years previously with our friend eliza. it was too windy that day and they turned around.
jeff and i were supposed to leave at 6:45 that morning to head out to the climb. jeff was racing around and 20 minutes late. for some reason this pissed me off more than it normally would. it did mean in the end that we had to pass two parties on the trail, which i am not overly fond of. we also were then behind the alaskans. weeks later my friend paul mentioned that jeff's watch alarm went off at 6:35. i can't help but to be a little annoyed that he thought that he could get ready in 10 minutes!!! if jeff had only been on time maybe the accident wouldn't have happened at all. i am still a little pissed.
walking up the plateau i mentioned it was my mom's and my favorite great aunt josephine's birthday. aunt jo died a few years ago at the age of 95. jeff mentioned that it would be nice to live that long and have all of those amazing memories. i think that jeff's life was filled with amazing memories.
the day before jeff and i hung out at the paradise pools on the dana fork of the tuolumne in the afternoon. jeff had wanted to meet at 3:00 to go climbing, but i was tired. i had just climbed six days in a row and knew that the third pillar would be worth resting for. so we went to the river and stretched and talked. jeff told me that he had had a great day on friday. he had gone bouldering, ran up the lyle fork (he hadn't been running much with all the hiking he did for work), played ultimate, and went to the pirate party the youngsters on his crew had thrown.
jeff was one of the first people i saw when i got to tuolumne this summer. i had driven in late in the night, and woke up early excited to be there. the only person i saw up was parker and audrey and i went over to their cabin to say hello. jeff was soon there and he referred to us as the homeless people and we both swooped in to make some tea. jeff and i hung out that day for a little bit in the late morning at the paradise pools. i had just returned from taking care of my dad as he recovered from hip surgery, and had cared for my mom the fall before when she had crushed her vertebrae. jeff shared with me stories about caring for his dad this winter. it was nice to be able to connect with someone else who had been there. jeff stayed at the pools to stretch and i ran off to climb.
jeff and i had made "tentative" (his words he used later) climbing plans a few weeks before, but he never showed up since he hung out with kristen instead. i gave him shit, but i didn't mind. although we had talked about going climbing since the first time i met him, august 30th was the first time we ever went out together.
the first bird to come to the accident was a clark's nutcracker. they squawked around all day long.
jeff climbed beautifully that day. he made the terrain look easy. i do not know exactly what happened, but he never made any noise of fear. there was no screaming. i am guessing he was either knocked unconscious by falling rock and that is why he fell, or he broke off holds and hit his head on the way down. i say this because i have never fallen or seen anyone else fall without screaming.
because we were outside of the park, the rescue was in the mono county sheriff's district. because of the wind they were unable to get a helicopter to the site. i am guessing that jeff fell at 10:00-10:15, and the sheriff's department was informed by 12:00. i decided to leave jeff at 6:00-6:30. at the time this was difficult for me, but the next day i remembered him talking about how he disliked it when people wanted to eat dinner before dark, how he always wanted to be outside until the true end of the day.
the rescuers were unable to get down to jeff until the next morning and i like to think of jeff enjoying one more night under the stars.
predawn on the morning of the 31st i had been up most of the night, my mind swimming with images from the day before. "please" i asked, "just give me another image." there in my head popped jeff with big wings, looking back at them he said "check these things out!" and off he went running, presumably to learn to fly. in the days and weeks that followed when things are rough i conjure this image.
i have felt guilty for every little thing i said or did wrong that day, and am grateful at least that jeff was the one who approached me about climbing, and insisted on that route. the night before the climb i had my doubts about climbing, but i could not put my finger on what it was. a few weeks ago i was writing about all of the things i could have done that day, but in the end i could not imagine myself saying no to climbing a beautiful route in an amazing alpine setting, with jeff maurer an amazing human being.
that is all i have for now. if anyone has anymore questions i am ready to try to answer them, but i will say i don't get on the computer so often.
peace,
jo-lynne
mininomad@gmail.com

Thank you from Jeff's family

On behalf of Jeff's family I want to thank everyone who came to Mono Lake to celebrate his life. It was very meaningful for all of us, especially our parents, to see that Jeff had touched so many people. The stories that were shared, the music, the good food, and the companionship were exactly what we had hoped for, and I know Jeff would have enjoyed it as well. I only wish that I had been able to talk with each one of you directly, to hear some funny anecdote from one of his many adventures, or to learn again how his spirit of learning, giving, and having fun while doing everything made a difference to someone.

Thanks also to the folks in Davis who I had the pleasure to meet last Friday at N Street. More wonderful stories and memories to share. As I said at the celebration, he will be missed by many. But I know that the things that he worked so hard for will live on in everyone who knew him. For those who were unable to join us, below is the Hopi prayer that was printed on the back of the program. Every time I read it I know that his spirit lives on.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there
I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond's glint on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn's rain
When you awake in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there
I did not die

Peter Maurer & the Maurer Family

Meditation Upon Death

THANATOPSIS

William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)

To him who in the love of Nature holds

Communion with her visible forms, she speaks

A various language; for his gayer hours

She has a voice of gladness, and a smile

And eloquence of beauty, and she glides

Into his darker musings, with a mild

And healing sympathy, that steals away

Their sharpness, ere he is aware. When thoughts

Of the last bitter hour come like a blight

Over thy spirit, and sad images

Of the stern agony, and shroud, and pall,

And breathless darkness, and the narrow house,

Make thee to shudder and grow sick at heart;--

Go forth, under the open sky, and list

To Nature's teachings, while from all around--

Earth and her waters, and the depths of air--

Comes a still voice--Yet a few days, and thee

The all-beholding sun shall see no more

In all his course; nor yet in the cold ground,

Where thy pale form was laid with many tears,

Nor in the embrace of ocean, shall exist

Thy image. Earth, that nourish'd thee, shall claim

Thy growth, to be resolved to earth again,

And, lost each human trace, surrendering up

Thine individual being, shalt thou go

To mix for ever with the elements,

To be a brother to the insensible rock,

And to the sluggish clod, which the rude swain

Turns with his share, and treads upon. The oak

Shall send his roots abroad, and pierce thy mould.

Yet not to thine eternal resting-place

Shalt thou retire alone, nor couldst thou wish

Couch more magnificent. Thou shalt lie down

With patriarchs of the infant world--with kings,

The powerful of the earth--the wise, the good,

Fair forms, and hoary seers of ages past,

All in one mighty sepulchre. The hills

Rock-ribb'd and ancient as the sun,--the vales

Stretching in pensive quietness between;

The venerable woods; rivers that move

In majesty, and the complaining brooks

That make the meadows green; and, pour'd round all,

Old Ocean's grey and melancholy waste,--

Are but the solemn decorations all

Of the great tomb of man. The golden sun,

The planets, all the infinite host of heaven,

Are shining on the sad abodes of death,

Through the still lapse of ages. All that tread

The globe are but a handful to the tribes

That slumber in its bosom.--Take the wings

Of morning, pierce the Barcan wilderness,

Or lose thyself in the continuous woods

Where rolls the Oregon and hears no sound

Save his own dashings--yet the dead are there:

And millions in those solitudes, since first

The flight of years began, have laid them down

In their last sleep--the dead reign there alone.

So shalt thou rest: and what if thou withdraw

In silence from the living, and no friend

Take note of thy departure? All that breathe

Will share thy destiny. The gay will laugh

When thou art gone, the solemn brood of care

Plod on, and each one as before will chase

His favourite phantom; yet all these shall leave

Their mirth and their employments, and shall come

And make their bed with thee. As the long train

Of ages glides away, the sons of men,

The youth in life's green spring, and he who goes

In the full strength of years, matron and maid,

The speechless babe, and the gray-headed man--

Shall one by one be gathered to thy side

By those who in their turn shall follow them.

So live, that when thy summons comes to join

The innumerable caravan which moves

To that mysterious realm where each shall take

His chamber in the silent halls of death,

Thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night,

Scourged by his dungeon; but, sustain'd and soothed

By an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave,

Like one who wraps the drapery of his couch

About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams.

"Thanatopsis" is reprinted from Yale Book of American Verse. Ed. Thomas R. Lounsbury. New Haven: Yale University Press, 1912.

I feel like this elegy reflects the way that Jeff lived his life and reminds us that we must live our lives to the fullest. I hope to read it tomorrow at the gathering in Davis. Tree Kilpatrick.