I can feel Jeff surround me as the breeze gusts by beyond Donner Summit and onto the next being that acknowledges it. I miss him so much. I haven't lost a friend for a little while now, and this has been a shocking reminder of how tenuous life is. Without a doubt, life slips by. The events and moments that shape us and those that seem to have no consequence at all form what we look back on as "my life."
At first I was in shock and ready to sell my gear and change my life. I thought, why take risks? Climbing seemed like a dumb idea, and Jeff's passing made me feel like I didn't ever need to touch a rock wall again. I was climbing when he died, and the wind was blowing strong. I distinctly remember a gust that was nearly tugging me off an arete just above a large roof. I thought, "Jesus, I'm going to blow right into oblivion." Had I only known the story that the wind was carrying that day.
But would I have done anything different? Would Jeff have? Well, I probably would have cried myself right off that wall. But honestly I don't think I really would have done much different and I don't think Jeff would have either. All of our stories tell of the rich and full life that Jeff lived. Of the love and happiness that surrounded him, that surrounds us all. We shall never forget, but we have to keep on living. If Jeff wanted us to learn anything from this tragic loss, I am absolutely certain that it would be to live life freely, and to its fullest. To stop and recognize each moment as they pass. To feel the breeze in our hair, and the sun on our faces.
We are blessed for having known our dear friend. And we are lucky. We have another day to live the life that we choose. To be free. I hope that through this we all embrace life, the happiness and the sadness. It is bittersweet and beautiful. And it can slip away so fast...
So I've gone back to climbing and have separated my fear from the motions. It's what I do. It's what makes me happy. It's how I remember Jeff.
And the breeze still blows...
Tim Kuhn
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Wow,these words we read brought us to tears. Although my husband, and I did not know Jeff, just reading all these postings made us feel like we missed out on interacting with a precious human being. He was truly an icon for nature. I now walk with a different attitude.
ReplyDeleteL.Alcorta
He's the guy you encountered on the Foresta Road with the big smile and a silly stride, always paying attention to the birds. He's the guy you could count on for amazing honey. He's the guy whose interaction with life always seemed intriguing, inquisitive, and joyful. He's the guy who always showed love and respect for Kristin. He's the guy you were always happy to see; the last time we spoke he was in Tuolumne with a group of friends climbing on Puppy Dome for a day time bachelor party. Jeff took the time to chat and ask about my family. It was a nice little visit and I walked away appreciating his unpretentious way of being. Jeff spread just enough love around to make us all feel special.
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